I didn't wait for my husband, but I still got blessed

The other day my husband walked in with some flowers for me. I was surprised and loved it. He knows I love surprised and flowers. Then it got me thinking... God seriously blessed me with putting Allen in my life and him being my husband. 

Ever heard someone say, "ladies/girls, It's worth the wait. You will be blessed for waiting." 

I heard that all my life (or a phrase that is like it). But I didn't wait for my husband.

My last two years of high school and a few years after high school, I was pretty promiscuous. I grew up in a Christian home and I STILL struggled with knowing my identity and searching for something because I was empty inside. I was 21 when I met Allen. We were two broken people coming together when we should have gotten a lot of issues worked out before we started seeing each other. (But that's a whole other testimony) One thing led to another and we ended up pregnant out of wedlock. I did know I could love him and I knew he felt the same about me. We were in leadership at our church so we had to tell our pastor about everything. Talk about your sins finding you out. Instantly, everyone started talking about a wedding. Allen proposed to me a few weeks later. 

I was excited. So I thought. The date was set for in December. (He proposed in September) So wedding plans were underway. I got the perfect dress. My bridesmaids got their dresses. Everything was coming together, but the more it came together, the more I didn't want it to happen. So I called it off. 

It was kind of embarrassing, but I didn't want to marry him. I wanted nothing to do with him. We stayed in counseling together with our pastor. I started to hang out with a guy and lie about it. I really just wanted a way for Allen to get mad and leave me alone. (It didn't work haha) 

Allen was a great guy. He fought for me. He didn't give up on me. He proved to me that he wasn't just after my body, but he truly cared for me. 

I didn't deserve him because after all, I didn't wait so how could I be blessed by a wonderful man? 

So after much help and talking with God, I decided to follow after God and stop doing what I wanted to do, I realized I did deserve him. He was (still is) loving me like how Christ loves the church. Even through my stupidity and wanting nothing to do with him, he was still there. Just like how Christ is for us. When we are living in sin and being stupid, He is still there for us. 

We got married March 5, 2011. Best day of my life. We just celebrated four years of marriage. There has been bumps in the road but we are still going strong. We love each other more and more everyday. 

I AM BLESSED! 

GOD HAS BLESSED ME!

Now am I saying all this for you to go do whatever you want in your life? No. 

I'm saying all this because I know there are some ladies out there that have messed up in their lives and think they don't deserve some good in their life so they try to ruin the good in their life. Give your life to God because you DO deserve some good in your life. God is good and He will bless you beyond your wildest dreams. 

Whether you have waited or not, giving your life over to God and following His will for your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. 

Mary, Did You Know?

I'm sitting her rocking Addison to sleep and I'm listening to "Mary, Did You Know?" By Pentatonix. (I know cheesy/overdone Christmas song, but aren't they all. And if you haven't heard their cover on the song, you should) 

Anyways, but seriously have you actually listened to the words to the song? It's pretty powerful and so true. I mean, did she really know all that Jesus was gonna do? Did she ever get frustrated when he was a baby and he would cry and cry? Did he cry a lot? Did she wish He would stay a baby forever even though she knew He had come for a reason? Did she know that reason? Did she know He would die on a cross when He was 33? Did she pray for His ministry from when He was born? Did she pray for the people He would encounter? Did she go and see Him minister? So many questions.... 

Wow. To be trusted to raise the King of Kings. Prince of Peace. The Great I Am!

The part of her story that always gets me is when she was pregnant with Jesus. Did she get ugly looks when she went to the market? Did she lose friends cause they didn't believe her? Did her parents support her? 

I didn't get pregnant with Jesus, but I did get pregnant before we were married. I lost friends. Lots. My parents were hurt at first, but they loved me the same. 

Not saying I was in the same shoes as Mary was by any means but I just wonder what happened those 9 months she was pregnant. 

I'm in awe in the mother Mary was to Jesus. I just picture her being a very patient mother. I mean, how could you not be patient knowing you are raising the Son of God. 

As a mother, I can't imagine seeing my son on that cross, taking on our sin, HER sin! 

When Makayla or Addison are badly hurt... I want nothing more to take on their pain for myself. I hate seeing them hurting. 

Did that cross her mind? Did she want to take on the pain He bore as the Roman soliders beat Him with whips, spat in His face, put that crown of torna on His head, or did she want to carry that cross for Him cause He was so weak from being beat?

I just can't even imagine.... 

Unanswered prayers

I'm up late and I'm not sure why.

So I'll write. 

Do you ever wonder why our prayers don't get answered or is it that we are just impatient so we think they are unanswered? 

You see, Makayla has this problem. A drooling problem. Some days she doesn't drool at all, some she only drools a little bit, and some she drools a lot. And I mean, a lot. Today was one of those days. 

It always seems to be worse when her allergies have flared up and she's stopped up. It's just bad. Real bad. 

Reason for her drooling? Simply just her adenoids. They are too big. 

Why haven't we had them removed? Well, it cost a lot of money. We have had to cancel her surgery twice. 

We have prayed. And prayed. And prayed. 

Either for the finances to come in or for her to be healed.

I don't understand it sometimes. I feel so bad for her. I'm embarrassed for her. Kids wonder why she drools like a baby. People ask me if she is teething. No! She is three, soon to be four! She has all her teeth. 

I know she won't even remember this when she is older and I'm grateful for that. And seriously, I don't even think it phases her that her friends get grossed out when they get drool on them. 

But it hurts my heart. 

This may seem like a ridiculous thing to seem to get upset about, but it was just one of those days. And here I am, writing and trying to just lay it all out.

Maybe I am being impatient and thinking that God should have just let the money come in, but the thought of her having surgery and being put under, honestly, scares me to death. And her being in pain for days after.... I just don't think I'm ready for that, yet. 

or Why hasn't He healed her completely yet? I just don't understand. I know God knows no time. So what is days, weeks, months, even years to us.... probably just seems seconds to Him. 

I have the faith. I do. 

So why are we going through this? 

I pray we find out soon. 

"His ways are higher than ours!"

-M

Ready or not...

I haven't posted in a very long time but I thought this was something I wanted to blog about. 

We go through life taking one day at a time. It's going good and then BAM a curve ball just comes along, good or bad.  And how we handle those things tells us a lot about ourselves. Even if we aren't ready for what God puts in our lives; He remains the same. 

All I can say right now is that His ways out way higher than ours. His timing is way better than my timing. 

Well, here is the big news.... 

  

SURPRISE!!!!! 

Yup, this is happening and I'm still kind of in shock but I'm so excited at the same time. Being pregnant (besides the morning sickness) is one of my favorite things. We go to the doctor on the 31st and we get a sono already! I'm farther along than I thought I was. We are very excited and it's going to be so good for our family. 

We are praying #teamblue. We need a boy to mix things up a little. ☺️ 

I'm going to keep this blog up again. 

-M

Impacting our community

Evangelism. Wow! Since I have known my husband, that would has totally changed in my dictionary. Growing up in church, you kind of get a bad taste in your mouth for "evangelist". One, you never know what you are gonna get and two, they are they crazy "racial" Christians that people make fun of. Boy, has that changed for me. I do want to be that racial Christian. I do want people to know my name. I do want to be that person that prays for people in the parking lot of Chickfila. That's going to be me. That is me. I want to impact my community.

I hate myself for letting opportunities to slip from my hands. That's my problem. I question myself too much. Doubt myself too much. Let my flesh get in the way. Ugh. It frustrates me. I talk myself out of it. Not all the time. But some.

But oh the feeling when you do exactly what God has told you to do. Whether its giving money to the person in front of you who is short on their grocery money, or praying for someone who you see is sick, or just knowing someone you work or go to school with and they are living in sin and you can share the Gospel.

If we want to see the community impacted, we need more than social programs or more events, we need the Spirit of God working his power through our lives!

This is my heart. This is what drives me. I want to make a huge impact on my community.

That is all.

Really bad

So I'm really bad about keeping up with this blogging thing. And I really do want to be a blogger. I do want to try to keep up with thing and then look back on them and reminisce. I just am so busy and so tired. I get caught up in cooking, cleaning, being a wife and mom, church things, etc. Sometimes I just want to sit. Read. Write. Drink coffee. Think. Pray. But when I actually get time to do those things, I end up falling asleep. I. Am. So. Tired. Maybe I need to go the doctor? I don't know. And it probably has to do with that I don't work out. That could be the problem. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud. I know no one reads these. They are boring. Haha but I don't care. I get it out. I do write in a journal too. Like old school pen and paper. But that's usually just talking to God. But like I said before, I don't really have time. And it's sad. Back to the sleeping ordeal, it's almost midnight. Why am I so sleepy during the day but at night, my thoughts won't shut up and I can't sleep. I'm wide awake. But the cool thing is, I found the blogger app. So maybe I'll be better at this whole thing since its on my phone and iPad.


Well I guess I try and sleep.
Night.

PEACE AND QUIET

My night - reading FPU, working on my blog, (still trying to figure out this out) and going to bed early. (yes, I wear an eye mask to bed) 

it was a nice chill night tonight. Allen came home from work, we ate dinner, put Makayla to bed at 7, and then we just talked about theology and other stuff. I can only understand some stuff but he likes to talk about it, so I listen and plus I learn more when he talks about school and stuff that he learns. 

I can't wait to start school. I start at CFNI in January of 2013. I haven't decided if I want to go during the day or at night- either way I'm super excited to go. This week we just found out that Dutch Sheets is now the new director at CFNI. This is HUGE! Allen and I love him! We are extremely excited for this new transition that is happening! 

Our business is growing! (for those of you that don't know, we own a cleaning business. check us out. ) 

its so busy. We are doing make ready's at an apartment complex and that is really keeping us the busiest. We are definitely going to have to hire someone full time soon. Our goal is for me to not have to do the cleaning and just manage the company. I basically am the company. My husband does all the paper work and numbers, but I'm the face. I clean, answer the phone, contact customer, and get the business that we do have. I don't do much of marketing right now. its very hard to do when I'm doing everything else plus being a wife and mother. 

I do enjoy of business. Sometimes I get tired of cleaning, but when we get new customers- I get excited! Cleaning is hard work and very detailed, but it also is a great workout and not to shabby on the checkbook. ;) 

thats all for now.

enjoy.